No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
