matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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