She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
