They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
