we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
