Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
