She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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