the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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