Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
