It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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