Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Is it penis luge time yet?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
