you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
