Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
