Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
