margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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