like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
