I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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