he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize