I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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