i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
