my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
