Please, let me fuck your mom
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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