I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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