And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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