just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
