Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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