My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
