listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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