chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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