why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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