I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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