Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
