i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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