In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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