there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Everclear isn't food dammit
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
