Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
