I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
