swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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