I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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