never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
