i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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