This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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