U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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