areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
