Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
my being single is dangerous.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
