Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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