My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
we're so committed to being not committed
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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