I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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