How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
