I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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