No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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