Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
