To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
im six kinds of drunk right now
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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