Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
what day is it and did you see me today?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
