yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
