I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
