So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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