I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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