I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
