doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
