Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
