He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
