I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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