how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
