I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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