i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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