Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize