it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
