What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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