you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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