I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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