im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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