I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
