She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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