I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
