my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize