so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
