Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
