All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
