Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
