They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
